The Problem of Christian Jerks I
Disclaimer: This article is intended as a starting point for those who have been hurt by Christians. If you are experiencing physical, emotional, mental, sexual, or any other kind of abuse, please seek help from a trained mentor, counselor, or physician. If you are in immediate danger, dial 911. Christian Family Solutions offers an online Lifeline Crisis Chat: https://christianfamilysolutions.org/in-crisis/
In 2007, the Barna Group published a book titled “UnChristian: What a New Generation Really Thinks About Christianity…and Why it Matters.” The book aimed to understand what those outside of the church thought about those inside of it–and why. “In our national surveys with young people [ages 16-29],” the author writes,
we found the three most common perceptions of present-day Christianity are
antihomosexual (an image held by 91 percent of young outsiders), judgmental (87
percent), and hypocritical (85 percent). These “big three” are followed by the following
negative perceptions… old-fashioned, too involved in politics, out of touch with reality,
insensitive to others, boring, not accepting of other faiths, and confusing (“UnChristian,” Grand Rapids: Baker Books, 2007, 27).
More recently, in 2024 ChatGPT4 was prompted to provide eight “terms used to describe conservative forms of Christianity.” The result? “Fundamentalist, dogmatic, intolerant, patriarchal, exclusionary, authoritarian, homophobic, anti-science.” It seems not much has changed since 2007 (Dr. Jana Harmon, “Paradise Lost” presentation, September 14, 2024).
Most of us don’t need a research study or a natural language processing app to know that, simply put, many Christians act like jerks. The sad truth is, most if not all of us have experienced just how cruel those within the church can be. A man once told me that he spent half of his career working for a secular business and half working for a church, and that he was treated better by far in the secular realm. The secular business seemed to actually care about him and about his family, he said, while the church seemed interested in using his talents and little else. Another woman I know won’t set foot in a church because of how a Christian handled a disagreement with her and the things that he said to her.
Maybe this story hits a little closer to home for you. Maybe you aren’t the concerned friend of someone who thinks that Christians act like jerks–maybe you’re the one who’s been on the receiving end of mistreatment by those who claim to follow Christ. Maybe the hypocrisy and insensitivity is all too real for you. If so, we pray that this study may serve as a reminder of the truth of God’s love, and we pray that it may bring about some small piece of healing.
Compared to the objections we’ve seen previously, issues relating to why Christians act like jerks have a unique twist to them. Instead of pointing to the world (like in our article on science) or God (in the Problem of Evil) as evidence against Christianity, this issue points directly at Christians themselves. To quote blogger and author John Pavlovitz, “[t]he most important question we ask of a religious belief is not Is it true? but rather Is it helpful?” (If God is Love, Don’t be a Jerk, Louisville: Westminster John Knox Press, 2011, back cover.) This objection isn’t looking for traditional evidence, but rather evidence that Christianity “works.” Why be a Christian at all if Christians are such jerks? How can we possibly believe in Christ if His followers make us so miserable? Let’s investigate this further.
Bad News First, Good News Last, Period
“If it weren’t for Christians, I’d be a Christian.” It’s a catchy quote, and even though no one is quite sure who said it first, it sums up the way many people feel when it comes to Christianity. Sometimes people aren’t objecting to what Christianity teaches but how Christians are living out what they believe. I once had a man tell me he could never belong to my church because it was full of “closed-minded, arrogant” hypocrites! He had never attended my church. But he knew enough Christians to have formed an idea of what it meant to be one. And, unfortunately, I knew the people he was referring to, and he was right about the way they acted.
This type of objection is personal. It stems from something that has been experienced, either directly or indirectly, and if there is one thing it’s next to impossible to refute, it’s someone’s experience. While there are exaggerated claims about Christians behaving badly, there are just as many (if not more) accurate accounts of their rude or cruel deeds. Our approach isn’t to cover up, excuse, or deny the hurt: our goal is to gently ask if the pain that was caused means that Christianity is false.
It’s not an easy undertaking. Rod Rosenbladt, a professor and writer, recognized this when he created a presentation titled “The Gospel for Those Broken by the Church.” In it, he talked about two main types of people who leave Christianity, and he termed them “sad ones” and “mad ones.” These are people who were at one time Christians but have left the faith. These people were turned off from Christianity largely, he discovered, by the church. Whether these hurting people were “sad” because they could never live up to the moral standard and were never seen as good enough, or “mad” because Christianity “didn’t work” (make their lives better), these two groups had a common grievance against Christians inside the church.
The reason for this, according to Dr. Rosenbladt, is that these sad and mad people were being fed a diet of bad news–good news–more bad news. You’re a sinner (bad news) but Christ died to save you (good news) but now you really do need to get your act together and live up to our standards or we’ll judge you (you guessed it, bad news). These people experienced Christians preaching Jesus the moral teacher and the one who will make you happy and healthy and wise if you fall in line, not the biblical Jesus, the Savior from our sins. The focus may have been on Jesus when they were converted, but after that, it was their responsibility to live up to His name.
Keep in mind that people with the objection “Christians are jerks,” in whatever form that may take, have almost always been deeply hurt by the church. Responding with “well, not all Christians are jerks” is unhelpful because it puts the focus right back on Christians instead of on Christ. We need to end with the good news–the Gospel of Jesus, the sinless One–and not with more guilt, blame, or any sort of commentary that brings the focus off of Christ and on to us.
Whatever starting point someone is coming from, whichever objection they bring to us, may we always end our answer with the Answer, Christ Himself. In our next article, we’ll take a closer look at how an engaging and thoughtful response to this issue might sound.
TIP: Why isn’t it helpful to defend our own behavior or that of others? Is there ever a situation where we should stand up for someone’s reputation?
TIP: How does mixing up “bad news” and “good news” lead to a misunderstanding of human nature?