The Problem of Christian Jerks II
In 2017, a thread emerged on Quora, a discussion website, on why so many Christians stopped being Christians or can’t stand Christianity. Many of the responses had a similar theme, summarized by this post from an anonymous user:
One of the [main] reasons that disturbed me in Christianity is that the Church equates non-believers to bad, evil, and morally corrupt, and believers to good and moral. Even if someone is high in his moral [sic] but is not a Christian, the Christian community sees them as not good enough, for not bowing down to their prophet. I have seen non-believers who have far more the [sic] sense of morality than some Church leaders. Christians see them as superior than others in the fact that they know the ‘truth,’ and that even others who are wise in worldly things and knowledge are blind to the truth. This arrogance and condescension did put me off quite massively.
For many of us, this issue is intensely personal. In our previous article, we discussed how even “well-meaning” Christians can confuse good news and bad news and treat others badly. Is there anything we can say to this challenge? What might it sound like if we used the Engaging Christianity framework of Affirm, Expose, Direct to interact with someone who was fed up with Christian jerks?
It’s not an easy thing to answer this type of objection. You may find yourself offended and wanting to defend yourself and your friends, or you may find yourself agreeing with the objection. Let’s take a look at one way we could respond.
One Way to Respond
Affirm: Christians hurt people. It happens and it’s horrible. We don’t want to dismiss an objection or try to explain away the hurt–especially if we have no idea what that hurt is. We also don’t want to fall into the trap of saying, “Well, it wasn’t really Christians who hurt you, just people claiming to be Christians. Real Christians wouldn’t do that.” Christians do hurt people. They shouldn’t, but they do; and it’s important to not buy into the lie that becoming a Christian suddenly makes you act perfectly all the time.
Example Language: “I’m so sorry for your hurt. Christians have done some pretty terrible things, and I know I have, too. Can you tell me more about what happened?”
Expose: Simply because a group of people act a certain way, it doesn’t follow that what they believe is false (remember the black-or-white fallacy?), nor does it follow that either “God condones your behavior” or “your behavior disproves that Christianity works.” This argument also assumes that the core message of Christianity is that Jesus will make you into a nice, perfect person on earth. Christians are still sinners (1 John 1:8-10), but this doesn’t mean that we should “hurt or harm our neighbor”–but it means that we do, because we still struggle with our sinful nature (Phil. 3:12-16). It’s a straw man argument of sorts to say that Christianity is false because Christians don’t live up to their own standard. That’s exactly the point of Christianity: that apart from Christ, we are lost, and that we are never promised perfection (in the world or in ourselves) this side of heaven. Notice the use of the word “Church” in our objection. This would be a great time to ask for a definition of that term!
Example Language: “Can I ask you a question? Why do you think that Christians behaving badly disproves Christianity? Who do you think has the final say on what Christianity is: the Church or the Bible? What do you mean by ‘Church’?”
Direct: In this example, there is a lot of overlap between exposing and directing. Remember when you direct others to Christ that we are speaking to both the mind and the heart. Jesus understands being hurt by Christians and the Church. His own disciples left Him, His close friend betrayed Him, and the religious leaders of the day–the ones who should’ve “got it”–handed Him over to death. In a world full of hurt, Jesus understands and He did something about it.
Example Language: “I can definitely see why you would have issues with Christianity when so many Christians don’t act like Jesus. It’s interesting to me that Jesus didn’t base His message on what humans can or can’t do, even after they believe in Him. There are so many examples of Him rebuking religious people and even His own followers for behaving badly. Jesus knew that humans would fail, so He didn’t base His message on them. May I share more with you?”
TIP: Read Rom. 12:3-21 and Rom. 9:14-16. As Christians, we are called to love others, but often we fall short. Is the “good news” dependent on us? Why or why not?
Dig Deeper: This objection is one of the biggest reported reasons on why people are turned off by Christianity. Do you find this to be true in your conversations with others? Why or why not?
Parts I & II Recap
The weight of disappointment after being hurt by someone you trusted can be staggering. Compound that with the fact that the one who hurt you is someone who “should know better,” and the hurt grows even bigger. Although it isn’t a simple answer to the pain, if we look to other people–even other Christians–as our standard of what a life well lived should look like, we will end up frustrated, hurting, and angry.
What we believe isn’t proven by how we believe it. We do have God-given opportunities to love and serve our neighbors, and we are to be lights in this dark world (Phil. 2:15). But we shine not with our own good works, or by how well we can keep God’s commandments, but because of the life and death of Jesus Christ.
As we engage the world around us, especially those who have been hurt by Christians, may we point them not to empty promises of good behavior but to the eternal promise of Christ’s perfect life, death, and resurrection for us. We may not have closure on this earth: we may not receive an apology from those who hurt us, or we may never understand why someone did what they did. Our hope is not in earthly reconciliation but in perfect restoration in the new heavens and the new earth (Rev. 21:1-5), brought about by Jesus’ saving work. By His wounds, the wounds of Christians–and inflicted by Christians–are healed.
Affirm: Christians can be jerks, and they shouldn’t be.
Dig Deeper: Why is it important to find out how someone has been hurt? In what ways can this help us affirm them?
Expose: The Gospel isn’t “Christ makes you a perfect person here on earth.” If humans could be perfect with enough effort on their own, no one would need Jesus.
Dig Deeper: How has our culture’s understanding of morality influenced its view of Christianity? (Hint: is the highest good being a nice person?) What does this tell us about what people think Christianity is?
Direct: Jesus doesn’t explain away or ignore sin, even sins committed by those who follow Him. He died for those sins, too.
Dig Deeper: What is a Biblical account that highlights the fact that Jesus not only understands when we are hurt by others, but He is able to heal that, too?